Alexandré Phoqué, Artisté™

Alexandré is the premier portrait artist for the Internet Age. With whit and authenticity the artist crafts bespoke portraits of your friends and family sure to impress for years to come. Given as gifts to loved ones and even to enemies as the highest form of social proof of your feelings for their well being, an Alexandré Phoqué portrait says timeless qualities. A true artistic expression of how you feel about them.

The artist only works on private commission by request and will only take a project if he feels it speaks to the rhythm of his heart. The authenticity of his expression depends on a rich tapestry of narrative infinitely connected to the bones and nervous system of his soul. Being selected by the artist is a high honor and one that you should not take lightly for without his whit and expressive portraiture the world would be a dim and ugly place devoid of all that breathes life in the social consciousness of our being.

His emotional response to the human face is timeless. His expression of their pain is succinct. Order yours today.

  • Consistently Authentic™
  • Emotionally Original™
  • Colorfully Professional™
  • Arousingly Artistic™


This is about art, not commerce. If Alexandré chooses to take on your commission, you only pay the shipping costs and you pay what you feel it's worth.


Email your proposal to and be sure to include information to inspire the artist. Most portraits take a day to paint then a day to dry before shipping.

What Inspires?

Good photos of your enemy or loved one, a description of colors they hate, embarrassing stories, styles of art they despise, or anything that is hilarious.

Off Limits?

No racism. If you send nudity it better be good. The reaction of the recipient is entirely your fault. Remember it's supposed to be funny, so don't ask Alexandré to glue peanuts to a painting meant for someone with a peanut allergy. That'll kill them.