Dylan And His Cat

Dylan came to me with a simple request: "I love my cat. Like a whole lot." And he wanted a special commemorative portrait of their love to hang in his apartment. Alexandré slaved for minutes to craft two expertly crafted paintings of Dylan and his cat which now hangs in Dylan's office. As Dylan puts it, "This painting is so emotional that every time someone walks by my desk they exclaim, 'What the fuck is that?!' I love it."

This painting is lovingly crafted in acrylic on watercolor paper. If you would also like to have a similar rendition of yourself or a loved one then email orders@phoque.pictures to begin the process of discovery.

  • Consistently Authentic™
  • Emotionally Original™
  • Colorfully Professional™
  • Arousingly Artistic™


Email your proposal to orders@phoque.pictures and be sure to include information to inspire the artist. Prices will be negotiated based on what you want, and a Paypal™ invoice will be sent to start the work. Most portraits take a day to paint then a day to dry before shipping.

What Inspires?

Good photos of your enemy or loved one, a description of colors they hate, embarrassing stories, styles of art they despise, or anything that is hilarious.

Off Limits?

No racism. If you send nudity it better be good. The reaction of the recipient is entirely your fault. Remember it's supposed to be funny, so don't ask Alexandré to glue peanuts to a painting meant for someone with a peanut allergy. That'll kill them.


Alexandré only posts the portraits that you ask be posted on the site. A special page can be constructed for you to share with all your friends to add to the humiliation. Simply request it and it'll happen.