Giant Purple Salad Eater

Done in a classical glazing style, this socially conscious portrait reveals the subject's love for salad. Originally commissioned with his wife in the photo, I felt he loved her less than he proclaimed. Replacing her with a head of lettuce did the painting justice and demonstrates how far a man will go to caress the folds of a leafy green.

This painting is lovingly crafted in acrylic on masonite panel. If you would also like to have a similar rendition of yourself or a loved one then email to begin the process of discovery.

  • Consistently Authentic™
  • Emotionally Original™
  • Colorfully Professional™
  • Arousingly Artistic™


Email your proposal to and be sure to include information to inspire the artist. Prices will be negotiated based on what you want, and a Paypal™ invoice will be sent to start the work. Most portraits take a day to paint then a day to dry before shipping.

What Inspires?

Good photos of your enemy or loved one, a description of colors they hate, embarrassing stories, styles of art they despise, or anything that is hilarious.

Off Limits?

No racism. If you send nudity it better be good. The reaction of the recipient is entirely your fault. Remember it's supposed to be funny, so don't ask Alexandré to glue peanuts to a painting meant for someone with a peanut allergy. That'll kill them.


Alexandré only posts the portraits that you ask be posted on the site. A special page can be constructed for you to share with all your friends to add to the humiliation. Simply request it and it'll happen.